You Don’t Have to Do It All
A Message for Women in the Sandwich Generation
If you’re a woman balancing the care of your children and your aging parents, you’re part of what’s known as the sandwich generation. You’re likely juggling after-school pickups with doctor’s appointments, managing your career while helping your parents manage theirs — their health, their homes, their finances. It’s a lot. And if you often feel stretched too thin, you’re not alone.
The truth is, you’re being asked to do the impossible — to show up fully for everyone else while somehow saving something for yourself. Society tells women to be selfless caregivers, loving mothers, dependable daughters, and accomplished professionals, all at once. But here’s a truth that may feel radical: You don’t have to do it all, and expecting yourself to will only create a dysregulated nervous system.
Shift from “Balance” to “Alignment”
When people talk about managing multiple roles, they often mention work-life balance. But balance implies equal weight — as if each area of your life should always receive the same amount of time, energy, and care. That’s just not realistic, especially when life changes daily.
Instead, try aiming for alignment. Ask yourself:
“What needs my attention most right now?”
Some days, that might be sitting with your mom at her medical appointment. Other days, it might mean saying no to an extra errand so you can play with your kids or take an hour for yourself. Alignment invites flexibility and compassion. It helps you respond to what truly matters in the moment, rather than trying to keep every plate spinning perfectly. Alignment also means you’re respecting your values and boundaries, allowing yourself to act in accordance with your inner voice, rather than feeling like you have to ignore it and keep pushing.
Let Go of the Guilt
One of the hardest parts of being in the sandwich generation is the constant feeling that you’re letting someone down. You might feel guilty for not calling your parents enough or for missing a child’s event because of an emergency at home. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you care deeply.
Try replacing guilt with grace. Remind yourself: I’m doing my best with the time, energy, and resources I have. This simple reframing honors your effort rather than punishing yourself for being human. Having self-compassion and grace for yourself can go a long way. It helps create bridges between yourself and others and helps us feel more connected to the reason why we make the choices that we do, rather than feeling disconnect and upset with ourseleves or the situation.
Redefine Support
You weren’t meant to do this alone. Support can look like:
Asking siblings to share caregiving responsibilities.
Hiring part-time help if resources allow.
Creating a network of friends who understand this unique season of life.
Setting realistic expectations with your partner or workplace.
Sometimes, support also means saying no — to extra tasks, volunteer commitments, or expectations that drain you. Saying no creates space for the things and people that truly need you, including you needing you time.
Remember: You Are Also Someone Worth Caring For
In the middle of all the caring you do for others, don’t forget that you’re a person, too — one who deserves rest, joy, and care. Taking a walk, journaling, or sitting quietly with a cup of coffee aren’t luxuries; they’re maintenance for your soul. You can’t pour from an empty cup, but you can refill yours, one small act of self-kindness at a time. Plus by caring for yourself you are teaching others to care for themseleves and teaching them how to treat you. You are more than the relationships you have with others, and the relationshp you have with yourself is a sacred one.
Final Thought
You don’t have to do it all. You only have to do what’s right for right now.
When you let go of balance and move toward alignment, you’ll find not perfection — but peace.