Deciding to have more children?
This question can have so many branches off of it, and on the other hand, some people may just have this deep knowing that they want multiple children. For those who are looking at the branches and feeling overwhelmed, here are some things you may be asking yourself”
What happens to my relationship with my first child if I have more children?
Can I physically have more children?
Is having multiple children selfish?
Do I have the capacity emotionally, mentally, and financially to have multiple children?
Will I lose more independence by having more children?
What if my children don’t get along with one another?
Is it safe for me to have more children?
Is your desire for another child a personal one, or is it influenced by external pressures?
What do you envision for your family in 10 or 20 years? What kind of relationships do you hope your children will have as adults?
Are you prepared for the emotional toll, such as potential guilt or anxiety? Are you ready to go back to sleepless nights and a constant state of being needed? (This one was a BIG one for me)
So many questions mothers may ask themselves, and this sample of questions is just scratching the surface.
I want to normalize that not knowing in your gut about whether you want to have more children is normal, and typically, you have some time to think and feel it through. We all have a fear of the unknown, and the trick is, just like with your first, there will be unknowables. You will know more in the sense that you have been through having the first one so you are entering child 2 or 6 having more personal experience, and we all have heard a million times probably about how every child is different and even you will be a different parent to your different childern just based on the fact that you continue to evolve as time passes in your parenthood journey.
I would encourage mothers to give themselves the time to think and feel it through, try to be as confident in your desire to have more children as you can be before entering into the journey. You may even find that you have doubts or fears once you start the journey, and I also think that is normal and under-talked about. Its a significant responsibility to have a child, to raise a child, and to be a parent. It was life-changing to have one as you probably experienced; it will most likely be life-changing to have multiple children.
I think the question to ask ourselves really is, are you feeling capable of handling the unknown? Do you have the support you need to face the things that might scare you or create vulnerabilities in you? Whether its about entering the journey for children or really any major life choice, its important to consider what your current capacity for flexibility, adaptability, and willingness to access support is?